Lessons from Behavioral Psychology
Conflict. It's an inevitable part of life, rearing its head in our personal and professional relationships. But while conflict can feel disruptive, it doesn't have to be destructive. By understanding some key principles from behavioral psychology, we can equip ourselves with effective strategies to navigate these situations productively.
Active Listening, Common Ground, and the Right Time and Place
Strategy 1: Focus on "Me" Messages and Active Listening
Our brains are wired to react defensively when we feel attacked. Studies by Daniel Goleman highlight the amygdala's role in triggering our fight-or-flight response. When we use accusatory language (e.g., "You always ... !"), it activates this threat response in the other person, shutting down communication.
Instead, behavioral psychology suggests using "I" messages to express our feelings and needs. For example, "I feel frustrated when deadlines are missed" is more constructive than "You're constantly letting me down."
Coupling "I" messages with active listening demonstrates empathy and a genuine desire to understand the other person's perspective. This can be achieved by reflecting back what they've said and asking clarifying questions. By feeling heard and valued, they'll be more receptive to finding a solution.
Strategy 2: Seek Common Ground and Focus on Interests
Conflict often arises when positions seem irreconcilable. However, research by Roger Fisher and William Ury emphasizes the importance of separating positions (what someone wants) from interests (the underlying needs or desires).
For instance, two colleagues might have opposing positions on a project deadline (positions). However, their underlying interests might be delivering quality work (shared interest) and avoiding burnout (individual interests). By focusing on these shared and individual interests, it becomes easier to brainstorm solutions that address everyone's needs.
Strategy 3: Choose the Right Time and Place for Conflict Resolution
Our emotional state significantly impacts how we approach conflict. Studies on emotional intelligence by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves highlight that attempting conflict resolution when we're angry or upset is usually counterproductive.
Therefore, choose a time and place where both parties feel calm and collected. This allows for a more rational discussion and reduces the likelihood of the conversation escalating. Try "I don't feel like I can explain myself well right now. Why don't we meet in the cafe at 3pm and see if we can resolve the matter?"
By incorporating these three strategies – focusing on "me" messages and active listening, seeking common ground, and choosing the right setting – we can transform conflict from a battleground to a collaborative space for finding solutions. Remember, effective conflict management isn't about winning or losing; it's about fostering understanding and achieving a win-win outcome.
Read more of Rick's articles here
Kommentit